


(Earth) Angels and (Personal) Demons

by ShippinAintEasy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Chuck is God, Dean Bears The Mark of Cain, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, M/M, Mark of Cain, Mild Smut, Sam Ships It, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Samulet, Season/Series 10, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-03 22:52:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2891045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippinAintEasy/pseuds/ShippinAintEasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean, Sam, and Castiel embark on a mission to remove the Mark of Cain. But what happens when the Mark takes over Dean? Will Castiel be there to catch Dean as he falls? Possible spoilers through Season 10 midseason finale. </p>
<p>Based on the Song "Angels and Demons" by Front Porch Step.</p>
<p>NEW - Music video to go along with it - wait until the end to watch (spoilers) </p>
<p>http://youtu.be/AbG4uO9N8pI</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean scratched his forearm once again. He would do anything to remove this scar, this mark. Sam and Castiel kept telling him that they’d find a way to cure him, but for now, all he could do was scratch away, leaving the surrounding skin raw and inflamed. The Mark of Cain was more than just a scar on his arm; it was the source of all of his anger. It was the fire that boiled within him, slowly searing off every emotion within his soul. Dean had been torn apart constantly while in Hell. 30 years of his body being shredded on a daily basis could not compare to the pain that he felt with the mark. He spent a year in purgatory, hunting the same monsters that he already destroyed. Hell, he even perished at the hands of Gabriel over a hundred times, but nothing, none of it, felt like this. He was slowly dying inside and knew that not even Castiel could bring him back from this. 

Oh, Castiel. Heaven’s little fallen soldier. He was always there, pulling Dean back from death, repairing his soul. His dedication to Dean Winchester was unwavering. He would always risk his life to save Dean’s. He would use the last of his grace to heal Dean if he had to. Dean had saved Castiel as well. He was no longer a soldier. He had come into his own because of Dean, and as much as it hurt to remember the pain that he caused, he could feel it. Now, as Dean was slowly losing his emotionality, Castiel was gaining it. He felt pain, and heartache, but he also felt happiness; things that he never would have experienced if it weren’t for Dean Winchester, and for that, Castiel owed Dean his life. 

Sam knew that Dean would be okay. He knew he would make it out because they always did. No matter what happened, they made it out together. But, that hope was slowly fading with every lead that went nowhere, with every day that Dean’s anger grew. He hoped so hard that it wasn’t the Mark that took over in the house; that the bloodshed was because Dean feared for his life. He knew better than that. He knew that Dean was slipping away and right now, there was nothing that he could do. There were no cross-roads deal that he could make to save his brother. There were no angels that could touch him and make him better. There was no pie that could bring Dean back from the edge. 

*

Sam and Castiel researched everything they could about the Mark. All they knew was what Crowley had told them. Dean was cured from being a demon, but he could slip back into that at any time, and he was so close to slipping under the anger of the Mark. The Mark took over him in the house where they found Claire. It could take over him again and the fury that was building inside of him may not stop next time. There wasn’t much good left in the righteous man, as the Mark ate away every last ounce of it. 

Sam and Castiel insisted that Dean stay behind until they found something that could cure it. They fought it out; Dean insisting that he was fine and Sam pleasing with him to listen. Dean was upset about not going on the normal hunts, but was happy that Cas was willing to accompany Sam. He always came back without a scratch. There was a bonus to having an angel on their team. Albeit, his stolen grace wouldn’t last long, but for now, it worked. 

Dean sat around the bunker, eating pie and reading. God, he hated the research. He just wanted to, no, needed to get out there and hunt again. Give him a werewolf, a ghost, or a vampire over research any day. Hell, at this point, he would even take on a Leviathan, and with the fury behind the Mark, he may even win. Months passed with him sitting in the bunker while Sam and Cas went out. He was starting to wonder if he would ever be given the chance to hunt again. He wondered if the Mark would ever leave his arm.

*

It was a cold, rainy day. Fall was slowly becoming winter. Dean was lying in his bed, contemplating what to do with his life. There was nothing left for him here. He was nothing more than a shell of his former self. He lay there, trying to find the emotion within himself to cry. The tears wouldn’t flow no matter what he did, no matter what he thought about. All the memories that used to break him down were now individual flames within his mind, fueling an anger that he had never felt before. 

There was a knock on his bedroom door. 

“Unless you have pie, leave me alone,” Dean cried out, shoving his face into his pillow. 

“Dean – Got news from Cas. He thinks he found a cure.” Sam slowly opened the door. Dean shot out of bed and lunged towards the door quickly. 

“He found it? Where is he?” He looked down the hall, hoping to find Cas standing by, ready to cure him. 

“He’s in the library. Hasn’t said much. He’s waiting for you.” Dean shoved past Sam and ran towards the library. Castiel was standing there, looking around with his hands to his sides and his trench coat stiff against his figure. Dean ran up to him and embraced him. Castiel, the fallen angel, would once again save the life of the doomed hunter. 

“Dammit, Cas. Took you long enough. So, what’s the cure? Wearing pink lacy underwear while dancing in the rain and reciting the alphabet in reverse? Whatever it is, I’m ready.” Dean excitedly rubs his hands together. He could finally get rid of this Mark and be normal again. Castiel looked at him confused. 

“It is not a task, Dean.” He paused and looked at the unemployed hunter. The dark circles around Dean’s eyes had darkened since he last saw him. He could see the Mark slowly eating away at Dean’s soul and it showed when he looked at Dean. He wished that there was something that he could do to stop this now. “There is an object of unworldly power that may be able to remove the Mark. It has been hidden on Earth. It is very powerful Dean. It can ruin the souls that are pure, but it can cure those that are evil. I think it might just work against the Mark.”

“So, where are you keeping it? In your pants, Cas?” Dean chuckled to himself. 

“I believe it is too large to keep in my pants, Dean.”

“That’s what he said,” Dean joked. Sam laughed as he took a seat. 

“That is what I said.” Castiel looked at the brothers. Dean and Sam just laughed. 

“It’s too big for his pants, Sam.” Dean motioned towards Cas and chuckled some more. Sam looked at Dean, giving him a playful wink. 

“Too much for you to handle, Dean.” Sam laughed while Dean glared at Sam. Castiel looked at both of them with confusion. The mood was lightening. It had been a while since they really laughed. The thought of the cure being so close lifted the weight off of the Winchesters’ shoulders. 

“So, where is it Cas? Don’t keep me waiting. I want to get rid of this thing as soon as possible.”

“I do not have it yet, Dean. I just wanted to let you know that it will take me some time to locate and retrieve it.” 

“Okay? How long is ‘some time’?” Dean eyebrows began to sink inward. 

“I have narrowed the location down to a few possibilities.”

“A few possibilities? Then why even tell me? What if this thing doesn’t exist, Cas? And how do you know that it will even work?”

“It is the only thing that I can find, Dean. I will be gone for the next month, unless I find it sooner. I wanted to let you know so you will not do anything stupid and go out hunting because I am gone. You both just stay here and I will be back as soon as I can.” And with that, Castiel was gone. 

“So, Sammy. You’re going to love being cooped up for the next month. It’ll be like when Gadreel was healing you after the trials. We can eat pie, watch movies, braid your hair, and if you’re a good boy, we can even paint your nails.” Dean teased him. 

“Uh, Dean. You’re the one that is cooped up for another month. I don’t have any restrictions.”

“Yeah, you’re not going hunting by yourself, so make yourself comfortable. For the next month, you’re stuck here with me.” Dean smiled. 

“Well, then I will find someone to go hunt with me.”

“Who are you going to call? Pretty much every one we know is either dead or out of the business.”

“I’ll find someone.”

“Yeah, well, until then, you can sit your happy ass down here.” Dean plopped down on a chair and motioned for Sam to do the same.

“I’d probably be safer hunting on my own.”

“The hell, Sam? You know that I would never hurt you.” Dean stared at Sam, realizing that he is becoming one of the monsters that they have been raised to hunt. 

“I know, Dean. It’s just, back at the house, that wasn’t you.”

“Don’t you think I know that, Sammy? Don’t you think that’s why I’ve kept myself locked up here? I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“I know, Dean. I’m sorry.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is off looking for the cure. Dean and Sam spend time in the bunker until they get a call from someone unexpected.

Castiel searched high and low for the object. His research had lead him to believe that there was a piece of wood from the cross in which Jesus had been nailed. After his death, it was rumored that this piece of wood had the ability to turn evil men into good men, but it could also turn pure men into monsters. It was a symbol of the forgiveness that Jesus represented, but it was also a symbol of the anger that God felt towards the men that had murdered his son. After several men went mad from touching the wood, it was placed in Heaven’s lockup. When Heaven’s little civil war went on, it went missing. Castiel had found from Balthazar that it was hidden by another angel, who did not survive the war. 

Castiel searched and searched until he was able to narrow his list down to almost a dozen possibilities. 

Castiel went through his list of locations, hoping to find the object. He checked the pyramids, the Mayan ruins, Oak Island, the Titanic wreckage. Every day, he checked off more locations on his list, but it was nowhere to be found. He was beginning to wonder if Crowley had found it and was keeping it locked up for future use. 

Time passed slowly and disappointedly, as every day and every location failed to locate the wood of the Cross. The month was almost up, and he knew that he would need to check in with Dean and Sam, hoping they haven’t gotten themselves into trouble while he was gone. 

He had one location left. A book depository in Dallas, Texas. He hoped that it would be the last place he would need to check. 

*

The month passed slowly as Sam and Dean stayed in the bunker. No hunters that they had worked with had been close enough for Sam to hitch a ride and help them out. The other hunters respected the Winchesters, but they didn’t want to work with them. They knew that trouble tended to follow the brothers wherever they went. 

There was only a day left in the month, and Dean kept wishing that Cas would hurry his feathery ass up and bring him the cure. He was going crazy with Sam in the bunker with him. When he was alone, he could fill his time with bad movies and even worse porn, but Sam insisted that they spend the month doing productive things and eating healthy. If Dean had to endure one more kale drink, he would let the Mark of Cain take over and kill Sam. 

They sat at the table. Dean reading some old Men of Letters files while Sam checked things on his laptop. Sam’s phone began to ring. Dean looked at him, questioning who would be calling. They haven’t had a friendly phone call in quite some time. He picked it up and looked at the name on it. It was Becky. He considered putting the phone down and ignoring it, but Becky wouldn’t call unless it was important. 

“This is Sam…..okay, Becky, calm down….alright, where are you? …. Uh, huh….yeah, we’ll be there as soon as we can. … stay safe.” Sam hung up and looked at his phone.

“Becky?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Like, crazy Becky? Like your ex-wife Becky? What does she want?”

“Apparently, there is a demon after her, saying that they are collecting on her previous deal.”

“I thought that Crowley took care of that.”

“Well, apparently not. Right now, she’s sitting in a room full of salt.”

“As much as I would say that she deserves it, we can’t leave her like that.” 

“I know.”

“So, can we grab our gear, or you going to let your ex-wife die?” Sam stared at Dean. “I’m okay, Sammy. I’m not going to do anything stupid.” Sam was conflicted. A demon was easy enough to handle, but he knew that Dean wouldn’t let him go alone. He didn’t want Dean coming out because he wasn’t sure what he would do with the Mark still there; he didn’t know how much of Dean’s soul was impacted by the Mark. His mind was torn between letting Becky die and seeing his brother go Cain on a demon. He chose the lesser of two evils. Dean may have lost it at Randy’s house, but he didn’t have a choice. He didn’t hurt any innocent people. Sam had left him alone with those men. They tried to attack Dean. He had to defend himself, and, yeah, maybe he over did it, but Sam knew he shouldn't have left Dean alone. As long as he stayed by his side, it would be fine. 

“Fine, get your stuff. But, I swear, if I think you’re getting out of hand, I will do it on my own.” 

Dean ran off to get his stuff, excited to get back in the field. 

*

They hopped into the Impala. Sam had missed working with his brother. Castiel was efficient and he never feared a hunt, but Dean, Dean was erratic and loud. Sam enjoyed it. With Cas, the hunts were uneventful. They’d pop in, find the bad guy, Cas would zap them, and then they’d be home again. With Dean, there was the road trip there that filled him with anticipation. During the hunt, his adrenaline would rush through him, making his heart beat faster than any workout could. He felt so alive. 

Dean was more excited than he had been in a while. The Mark on his arm still burned within him. He was worried about what would happen, but he needed to get out there and kill something. He blasted his rock music and sang along loudly, attempting to embarrass Sammy on a dark, lonely road in the middle of the night. Sam let go of his embarrassment and sang right along with Dean. These moments helped to remind Dean that they were human. Even with their demonic pasts and the fact that they had both died, like a lot, they were human. He was in his Impala with his brother, driving to a destination they knew nothing about, excited for the adventure and a little scared of what was ahead, but Dean knew that as long as Sammy was there with him, everything would be okay. As long as he was there with Sam, Sammy would be okay. 

Sam was always the one to pull him back from the brink, and he knew that if the Mark started to take over, Sam would be the one to save him. He didn't want that. He didn't want Sam to see him like that again. He had asked Cas to be the one to end him if he went too far. He knew that Sam would keep him sane. Just like he had used himself to pull Sam out of Lucifer and Cas away from Naomi, Sam could bring him back if he needed to, and Dean prayed that he wouldn't need to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think so far. 
> 
> Also, stop by my tumblr and let me know what you think. http://im-a-cumberlady.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The brothers make it to Becky's, reading to gank some demons. What happens next is enough to have Dean question who he is.

They finally arrived to Becky’s apartment just as the sun was rising. They made a quick sweep of the outside of the building, hoping that they could find the demon responsible for this. They slowly made their way up the stairs, checking for sulfur and other demonic signs, until they reached Becky’s floor. They walked slowly towards the door, pulling out there weapons in preparation of battle. When Dean pulled his gun out form the back of his pants, he was sure to pull his shirt down to cover the First Blade. If Sam had known that Crowley gave it back to him, he would have a lot more issues than the demon that could be inside the apartment. Sam slowly opened the door and they made their way inside, checking behind the door and scattering across the apartment. 

Dean found Becky first, sleeping in the kitchen on what could only be described as a floor of salt. Sam continued through the apartment, making sure that the demon wasn’t around. 

“Becky…” Dean said, attempting to wake her. “Becky?” He paused. “Mrs. Winchester?” He laughed to himself. Becky sat her head up at the last attempt. 

“Yes?” She slowly opened her eyes and looked confused when she saw Dean standing outside the salt floor. “Dean?”

“Sammy – she’s in here.” He called down the hall. Becky jumped up and hugged Dean. 

“Thank you, thank you! I didn’t think you guys would come. I thought I would have to spend the rest of my life on this kitchen floor.” 

Sam walked into the kitchen and noticed the floor. 

“You know, you only really need a circle around you.” Sam said as he studied the floor. 

“Well, I didn’t want to take any chances.” 

“Good girl.” Dean said, patting her on the back. “So, where is this demon?”

“They were here yesterday. When I threw salt at them and poured a circle around me, they said they would be back today and I had better be ready to hand over my soul.”

“And you’re sure that it’s a demon?”

“I would recognize the black eyes anywhere.” 

Dean sat down on the couch, and turned on the tv. 

“Shouldn’t you be preparing for when it comes back?”

“Sammy – draw a devil’s trap on the ground. I’m just going to kick back and wait for it to get here. No use wasting energy.” Dean put his hands behind his head. “I’m loving this soap opera channel. Days of Our Lives – best soap opera ever. There are these twins, Sami and Eric. And they are complete opposites. It’s amazing.”

Sam rolled his eyes at Dean and began to draw a devil’s trap on the floor. Becky went to grab a rug from another room to put over the trap. 

“So, Sam. I’m really sorry about the whole making a deal with a demon thing.” Becky paused, staring at Sam, hoping that he was still willing to forgive her. 

“It’s fine, Becky. Really.” Sam put his hand on her shoulder. “I know that you know better now.”

“Yeah, I do.” Becky smiled at placed her hand above Sam’s. Dean looked over from the couch and rolled his eyes at them. 

The door handle began to turn. Sam stepped back behind the door, waiting for the demon to walk in. He motioned Becky to head back towards her salt floor in the kitchen. 

The demon walked in, smugly at first, until it realized who was waiting there with Becky. 

“Winchesters. The word on the street is that you guys don’t hunt anymore, especially you, Dean.” It flashed its black eyes in Dean’s direction. 

“Yeah, well, I decided to make an exception for a demon collecting on a negated deal. Go ask Crowley. He’s the one that erased it.”

“I will do that,” the demon attempted to leave, but could not walk back out the door. “What the hell?”

Sam lifted the run to reveal the devil’s trap on the floor. Dean slowly rose from the couch and began making his way towards the demon. 

“Look – after the Abaddon and Crowley feud, some of the old ‘deleted’ deals came back up. Crowley’s been taking care of it, but this one must have slipped through the cracks. Honest mistake.” The demon pleaded.

“Honest mistake, eh? Hey, Sam. It was an honest mistake.” Dean laughed and looked at Sam. The demon tried a nervous smile. 

“I’m sure it’s nothing, Dean. We’ll call Crowley and get this taken care of.” Sam said, unsure of what was on Dean’s mind. 

“Yeah. We can do that. Just give Crowley a quick ring. Let him know that he missed one, right?” Dean nodded his head in agreement with himself. Sam stared at him. 

“I can live with that,” the demon agreed. 

Dean laughed, bending slightly, pointing towards the demon, giving Sam a look that said _‘Can you believe this guy?’_ Dean stood up straight, reached behind his back and pulled out the First Blade. With one quick motion, he stabbed the demon in the chest, holding the blade inside it as its body flickered off. Sam had tried to yell _‘Stop!’_ but he couldn’t get the words out in time. 

He stood there in shock as the demon’s body slowly fell to the ground. The Mark on Dean’s arm was glowing, filling his body with more anger then he had ever experienced before. 

Sam called out Dean’s name, but it fell on deaf ears. Dean’s rage was flowing through his body, the Mark slowly taking over. Sam slowly made his way towards Dean, calling out his name as he approached. He lifted his hand to place on Dean’s shoulders when Dean looked at him, his eyes filled with anger. As Sam’s hand came down on Dean’s shoulder, his face turned from one of worry to one of surprise. His other hand clinched his stomach, the First Blade inside him. His hand slid down Dean’s arm as his body collapsed on the floor. Becky stood there in horror. 

“Dean…” Sam mouthed as he gasped for air, his hand still holding the blade in his gut. Dean’s anger slowly faded as he began to realize what he had done. He fell to his knees, rushing to Sam’s side. 

“Sammy?” Dean put his hands around his brother’s face. “Sammy, come on. Get up. We’ll get you to a hospital and get you fixed up.” He patted Sam’s face as his eyes began to fade. Dean shook Sam’s shoulders. “Get up, Sammy. Get up right now.” 

“What…what did you do?” Becky yelled at him. Her face covered in tears. “You…you killed him.”

Dean looked at his brother. “He’s okay. He’ll be okay. We’ve died before, many times, you know. He’ll come back from this. Come on, Sammy. Get your ass up. We’re going to walk out of here, get to the hospital, they’ll fix you up and we’ll go home. Now, get up.”

Becky walked over and kneeled down next to Dean. 

“He’s gone, Dean. And, I’m calling the cops so you better leave. Now.” She looked at Dean angrily. 

“You don’t need to call the cops. He’s going to get up. Just wait.” Dean pulled Sam’s head up and put his forehead to his head. “Come on, Sammy. Get up….Cas, if you’re listening, I could use some help here.”

“Leave, Dean. Now!” Becky stood up and walked towards the phone. She dialed 9-1-1 while Dean sat there holding Sam. 

“Come on, Sammy. We’ll go get a beer and laugh about this. Get your ass up. We have to leave.” Sam’s body laid lifeless in Dean’s arms. Dean slumped over him, the tears starting to pool in his eyes. “I’ve been trying to cry for a while now, to show myself that I’m still human. And this is how it happens. The only way I can cry is over my brother’s body. I had to kill my brother to feel things again. Get it, Sam?” He held out his forearm, showing that the Mark was fading. “I’m fixed, so please, come back here. Tell that reaper to fuck off and get back into your body.” He slapped Sam’s face again. He held him closely, eyes welling with tears. “Come on, Sammy. Come on.” 

He sat on the floor, holding the limp body of Sam against him. “Wake up, Sammy. Wake up,” he whispered repeatedly, rocking his oversized baby brother against him.

The front door began to open, getting stuck halfway open on the lifeless body that had been holding the demon earlier. A gun peaked around the corner, followed by a police officer. He made his way into the apartment, another shortly behind him. Dean sat on the floor, Sam’s body held against his chest. 

“Sir, we’re going to need you to step away from the body.”

Dean looked at the cops. “The body? This isn’t ‘the body’. It’s my brother. My baby brother. Come on, Sammy, get up and tell them that I’m your brother.” The cops made their way to Dean, one of them pulling Sam away from him while the other pushed Dean to the ground to restrain him. “Don’t hurt him! Don’t you dare hurt my brother!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please continue to let me know what you think. 
> 
> And check out my tumblr.   
> http://im-a-cumberlady.tumblr.com/


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will Dean do now?

Dean sat in a jail cell, Sam’s blood all over his clothes. The Mark had faded completely and Dean was now realizing what he had done. The overwhelming feeling of guilt was worse than what they police could do to him. He would probably get questioned about the arsenal he carried around, the salt, and the flask of what would seem like just plain water, which was sitting opposite the flask filled with alcohol. They would question him about the other dead body, a man that apparently went missing 2 years ago. Dean tended to forget that there were actual humans underneath the demon. He remembered now. He felt it now. He could no longer cry, not because he was evil, but because he was dehydrated. His eyes were red and swollen. He felt alone, but he knew there was one last person that he could count on. He closed his eyes. 

“Cas – I’m not sure where you are, not sure why you didn’t answer me, but you can call off the search. It’s over. The Mark is gone, but I could really use you here right now.” 

Dean heard the sudden swoosh of Castiel’s wings and slowly lifted his head. Cas was standing before him, a slat of wood in his hands. 

“Dean – what happened? You were supposed to stay in the bunker until I got back.”

“Yeah – well, you should have been back sooner. Maybe Sam…” Dean closed his eyes and lowered his head again. The tears wouldn’t flow, but he couldn’t get any more words out. 

“Where is Sam, Dean?” Castiel looked concerned. 

“The morgue.” Dean sat up. “You can save him, Cas. You can bring him back, right? Put his soul back in and fix it all, right?”

“Dean – I will try. Tell me what happened.” Castiel sat next to Dean, their shoulders touching. 

“We got called by an old friend. Just a quick job to get rid of a demon. Something we’ve done thousands of times before. We didn’t know when you’d be back, and there was no one else we could call. Made it to the apartment, the demon agreed not to kill Becky, and then, the next thing I know, I’m holding Sammy in my arms, the First Blade in his stomach. I watched the life leave him, Cas, but you can bring him back, right?” Dean looked at Castiel with hopeful eyes. Cas looked down, then met Dean’s eyes with disappointment. 

“Dean – the way that he was killed, the First Blade…I can’t. I can’t bring him back from that. An archangel might be able to, but there are none left.”

Dean shook his head slowly from side to side. “No, Cas. You get down there and save him. You pull him back and put him together.”

“Dean – I can’t.” Cas placed an arm around Dean’s shoulders. Dean turned and placed his face into Castiel’s neck. 

“Cas – I just want my brother back.”

“I know, Dean.” Cas could feel Dean’s tears fall down his neck and collect around his collar bone. Cas didn’t want Dean to feel pain, and if he could, he would go back and save Sam. Maybe a few years ago he would have tried, but his stolen grace would be burnt out, leaving Dean with no one. 

He held Dean tighter. 

*

Dean woke up on his bed. It must have been a nightmare, he assumed. His eyes still felt raw. He must have been crying in his sleep. He stood up, and looked down at his clothes. They were the same from yesterday. Sam’s blood was still all over him. 

“Sammy?” He called out. He walked out of the room. “Sam – where the hell are you?”

He checked Sam’s room, it was empty. He made his way down the hallway. Sam must be up already, maybe in the kitchen. He sniffed a little. Bacon. Sam was definitely in the kitchen. He made his way there. 

“Sammy – I had the worst dream, but that bacon you’re cooking is bound to make me forget it all.” He turned the corner into the kitchen and saw Cas standing over the stove. 

“Good morning, Dean. I thought that you would like some breakfast this morning. It is the most important meal of the day.” 

“Cas – what are you doing here? Where’s Sam?”

Cas placed the pan down and turned off the heat. He walked up to Dean. 

“Dean, do you remembers the events of last night?”

“I remember having a bad dream. Sammy died, but he’s okay, right?”

Cas put his arms around Dean, pulling him into a close hug. “Dean. It was not a dream. I am sorry.” Dean pushed Castiel away. 

“No. He is not dead, Cas.” Castiel pulled Dean closer to him as Dean tried to push him back. He struggled until he couldn’t anymore, and Dean fell into Castiel. 

“It’s okay, Dean. I’m here for you. I’m not leaving you,” he whispered into Dean’s ear. 

“I don’t know what to do, Cas.” Castiel held Dean tighter. He placed his lips to Dean’s head. 

“I’ll be here with you, Dean. Anything you need, I will be here. I will always be here.”

*  
Dean sits on his bed, eyes swollen and red. 

“Sammy. I’m sorry. I always wanted to protect you. I needed to keep you safe. It was my one job in this life, and how many times have I fucked that up? I’m cursed, Sam. Everything that I love dies. Every single thing that I touched has gone away. I should have let you go long ago. I should have let you stay at Stanford. I shouldn’t have let you come back when I got out of purgatory. Ellen, Jo, Bobby, Kevin, Dad. Everyone is gone because of me. But I still had you, Sammy. I still had you here with me. And as much as I hate it when you ask me if I’m fine, I need you here Sam. I need you to ask if I’m alright, because I’m not. I’m not alright this time. How am I supposed to go on, living with the fact that I killed my own brother? There is nothing left here for me, Sammy.” Dean wipes the tears as they leak down his face. 

He takes a breath and looks around. 

“You know what Sammy? The only thing left here for me is fighting to get you back. And I’m not going to stop. I’m going to keep going as long as I can. I’m going to keep fighting until you’re here like you should be. I’m fucking sorry, Sammy.”

*

Castiel stands behind the door, hearing Dean’s words. There has to be something that he can do for Dean, and he will look until he can’t look anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think. 
> 
> Follow me on tumblr http://im-a-cumberlady.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Depression and a little smut

“Dean?” Castiel walks into Dean’s room. He is wrapped up in the blankets, his eyes still swollen. His face has thinned and his skin is pale. “Dean. It’s been a week. I think that you need to get out of bed. Come get some food.”

Dean moaned in disagreement.

“I made you a pie. It took me 4 tries and a small fire, but its pecan.” Dean rolled away from Castiel. 

“I’m fine, Cas.” Castiel sits on the side of the bed, rubbing a hand down Dean’s back. 

“Dean. There are a couple of cases around here that we could go check out. Get you out of this room.”

“I’m fine, Cas.” Castiel stands up, his hands on his hips. He thinks for a moment and then puts his hands underneath the edge of the mattress. He pulls it up in one swift motion. Dean flew off of the bed with a startled scream. “What the hell?”

“Get up, Dean.” Dean stood up and walked over to Castiel. He stood, inches from Castiel’s face. 

“I said I’m fine and I don’t want to leave my bed. Go away, Cas.”

“No.”

“No? If you had been there, been here before, before we went, you could have stopped it. Instead, I killed the only family I had left. Now I’m alone. And I want to stay alone. So, please, get the fuck out of my room.”

“No.” Dean’s face filled with fury. He lifted his fist and punched Cas in the face. Cas stood still. 

“I said to get the fuck out of my room. It’s your fault that my brother’s dead. It’s your fault that he’s not here. If you would not have pulled me out of Hell, Sam would have lived a happy life, and now, he’s dead and it is ALL YOUR FAULT!” Dean began to collapse onto the floor. Cas caught him and they landed on their knees. 

“I am staying here, Dean. You said ‘family doesn’t end with blood’. You are my family, Dean. You’re the only one I have left. I am all that you have left, and I am not leaving your side. You’re going to get up. You’re going to get out of this room. And then, you’re going to eat something.”

Dean looked into Cas’s eyes. He could see the pain behind the shining blue. He had killed his family over Dean, and now Dean had lost the rest of his family because of Cas. They were all that each other had left. Dean leaned into Cas, who placed his arm around Dean. 

“Cas. I miss him.”

“I miss him too, Dean.”

Dean stood up, with Cas’s help. They made their way to the kitchen. Dean looked around and saw what looked like the aftermath of a tornado. 

“So, this is how you cook?”

“No one said it would be so…challenging. I am efficient with a microwave, but making a pie is much more difficult.” Dean chuckled at Cas. 

“That’s what makes it so delicious.” He saw the pie sitting on the counter. He grabbed a fork and took a bite. His eyes immediately rolled to the back of his head. “You made this, Cas?” he said with his mouth full.

“Can you not see the evidence around the kitchen?”

“This is the most amazing pie I have ever had in my entire life. Try a bite.” Dean scooped another bite onto the fork and pointed it towards Dean’s mouth. 

“That is…”

“Amazing right?”

“It definitely does not taste like molecules.” Dean chuckles. He leans over and hugs Cas.

“Thank you, Cas. Not just for the pie. For being there for me. All the time.”

“I was not there all the time, Dean. And you always needed me most when I wasn’t around. No amount of pie can make up for the pain that I have caused you.”

“Cas – it’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have said that earlier. I…I just couldn’t blame myself anymore. I shouldn’t have gone. I shouldn’t have let Sammy go. We should have called in reinforcements. Hell, we could’ve called Crowley, but we were so eager to get out here, get back on the road and start saving lives and hunting monsters. Instead, I became the monster and took a life. My own brother’s life.” The tears began to swell in Dean’s eyes again. Cas moved close and embraced him. “It wasn’t your fault, Cas. Not Sammy. Not the leviathans. None of it. You did nothing but have good intentions.”

“The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.” 

“No. It’s not. Hell is paved with selfishness and greed. It’s paved with anger and hatred. None of those words describe you, Cas.” Dean lifted his head. Cas was looking down. He took a finger and pushed Cas’s chin up so he was looking into his eyes. “You are the only good I have left in my life.”

Cas let a small smile slide out of his mouth. “And you showed me the meaning of life, Dean Winchester.”

“You know. If Sam was here, he would give me a look. God, I hated that look, and every time you’d be around. He’d make a joke about us standing like this. And if Sam was here, I would let him. I wouldn’t hide it anymore. I would want him to know everything I was thinking. I would have the chick flick moment with him. I would tell him, I would shout it from the rooftops.”

“You would tell him what, Dean?”

“I would tell him, tell the world. Screw the no chick flick moments and the homophobic asshats out there.” Castiel felt something heavy on his heart. A fluttering that he could not understand. Dean raised his hands to Cas’s face. He leaned in and touched his lips to Cas’s. 

“Dean,” Cas muttered through his lips. Dean slowly backed away. 

“I’m sorry, Cas. I didn’t mean to do that. I’m going to go kill myself now.” His words began to fade into a mumble as he walked away, “What the fuck were you thinking, trying to kiss an ang-“ Cas grabbed his arm and pulled him close. He mashed their mouths together. They stood in the middle of the kitchen, their lips parting into a heated confrontation of tongues. Dean began to run his hands down Cas’s side, pulling his hips closer. Cas reached his hands around the back of Dean, grabbing onto his ass. He lifted Dean onto the counter as Dean reached down to pull off Cas’s shirt, slamming their mouths back together when it was finally off. Cas put his hands on Dean’s t-shirt collar and ripped the shirt off of him and threw it across the floor. Dean eagerly reached for Cas’s pants and began to undo his belt frantically. Cas began to do the same to Dean, lifting his slightly off the counter to continue pulling them down. 

Dean reached over and pushed Cas’s pants to the ground with his toes. Cas kicked off his shoes and stepped out of his pants, keeping his mouth wrapped up in Dean’s. Dean pulled away and began to kiss down Cas’s neck, rubbing his hands down Cas’s chest to his hips. The angel began moaning deeply, pulling Dean closer to him. He moved his hands down to Dean’s cock, stroking it lightly. Dean bit down on Cas’s neck, groaning out in pleasure. He took ahold of Cas, tightening his hand over the head of his dick and sliding his hand down to the base. Cas took his hand and slid it under Dean’s balls, reaching his fingers back, rubbing the tip of his fingers across Dean’s hole. 

Dean gasped, “Cas – oh Castiel.” Cas moaned out again, feeling Dean’s cock bounce against his stomach with every sound that he made. 

“Dean – I” Cas moaned again as Dean’s grip slid back and forth. “I – love you.” Dean kissed around Cas’s neck more forcefully. Dean gasped against Cas’s skin. Cas’s fingers began swirling around the outside of his hole, leaving him panting in pleasure. Dean reached over and grabbed the olive oil. He poured some onto Cas’s fingers, and he began to touch the tip of them to Dean. He slowly began to insert one finger, leaving Dean to scream out his name. As soon as he was comfortable, Cas slowly inserted another finger, the oil allowing him to slip up and in easily. 

Dean’s breathing became harder and faster. “More, Cas. I want you – all of you.”

Cas put his mouth to Dean’s ear, “Tell me that you belong to me, Dean.”

“I’m yours, Castiel. All of me. All – of – me – belongs to – you.” Dean panted against Cas’s neck. Cas nudged Dean’s head up with his forehead. He pulled Dean closer to the edge of the counter, and rubbed his oily fingers over his cock. He lined himself up with Dean. 

“And I belong to you, Dean Winchester.” Cas pushed his mouth to Dean’s and began to slide his cock inside of him, slowly. Dean let out a sound that he had never made before in his life. Cas began to feel his own legs shake at the pleasure. Once he was all the way in, he began to slide back out. Dean put his hands around Cas and pulled him closer inside of him. Cas’s hips began to thrust harder and faster as Dean breathed heavily into his mouth. 

“Cas – I – I’m – almost –“ Dean ran his nails up Cas’s back, etching harder and faster with each thrust of Cas’s hips. He looked deeply into Cas’s eyes. The blue color being both the calm and the storm. He couldn’t take much more. 

“Dean, close your eyes.” Dean obliged. He held his eyes tight together. Cas pushed into his once, twice, and on the third time, he stopped, deep inside of Dean. Dean felt the counter begin to shake. He moaned out loudly. 

“I’m there, Cas. N-n-now!” Cas felt the warm liquid hit his stomach and Dean felt the heat exploding throughout the bunker. Even with his eyes tightly closed, all he could see was a bright white light. He could hear glass shattering all around him. Cas pulled out and collapsed onto the floor, bringing Dean down on top of him. 

“That…was…” Cas breathed heavily. No words could describe what he had just felt. 

“Earth-shattering.” Dean chuckled. They lay in the dark on the kitchen floor, all of the light bulbs in the area, scattered next to them. 

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think. 
> 
> Follow me on tumblr http://im-a-cumberlady.tumblr.com


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I could run away with you."

Dean woke up in his bed again, but this was different. He no longer felt helpless and depressed. He still missed Sam, and he would continue to look for him, whether it be in Heaven, Hell or purgatory. He would try to find a way to save his brother. But, now, right now, he was happy. He felt the angel’s arm around his stomach, his warm body, naked body, against Dean’s back, and his legs pushed up against the back of Dean’s. 

Dean smiled to himself. The one thing, the one person, that he had wanted for so long, finally his. It had taken him losing his brother to understand how short life was and he knew that he needed to act. He couldn’t lose Cas before he had a chance to tell him how much he meant to him. The hand that laid over his abs had lifted and was now softly running the fingers against Dean’s hair. Dean rolled backwards, and met the eyes of the angel. HIS angel. He saw a smile appear on Cas’s face. Dean smiled back. 

“Good morning, beautiful.” Dean whispered. He lifted his hand to touch Cas’s face. Cas kissed him hand. 

“Good morning, Dean.” 

“Let’s run away.”

“Run away?”

“Yeah – away from it all. The hunting, the angels, the demons. All of it. Let’s just run off to some secluded cabin in the middle of nowhere. Just you and me. We can live a quiet little life. You can make me pecan pie.” Dean smiled. 

“I could run away with you.” Cas smiled back at Dean and kissed his hand again. 

“I’m so tired, Cas. I’m tired of fighting and losing. I’m tired of drinking myself to death just to numb the pain. I’ve done so much, Cas. And all I want to do now is stay in your arms. Is that crazy?”

“Dean – I fell from grace to save you, to be with you. I did so many things that I can’t even count, I caused so much pain, but the only thing that matters to me is how you look at me. I know that I cannot explain this well enough, but all I can think of is that I am happy when I look at you.” Dean rolled closer to Cas and kissed his lips. 

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world than in your arms.”

*

They stayed in the bunker for a while until Cas used the rest of the food supplies in an attempt to make Dean dinner. It ended up being a concoction of pasta, jam, tomato sauce, and carrot juice. Dean smiled through the meal, secretly deciding not to ever purchase any of those items ever again. They needed to make their way to the grocery store, but Dean was still not quite ready to leave. 

He hadn’t read the news. He hadn’t looked at a single article online since Sam died. He knew part of him would want to ball up and the other part would want to go out and save people. He wasn’t ready yet, but didn’t think that he trusted Cas to go shopping on his own. 

He was also fairly sure that he was a wanted man. He was in a jail cell and awoke in his bed. He didn’t think Castiel would have thought about posting bail and then bringing him all the way back to the bunker. Cas more than likely just zapped them there with a quick flap of his wings. 

“Cas?” He called out. Castiel walked out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist, the water dripping down his body as Dean watched a droplet fall from his head, down his chest, landing on the top of the towel. Dean subconsciously bit his bottom lip. 

“Yes, Dean.”

“I thought angels didn’t have to take showers.”

“We don’t, but I like it. It’s one of the things that I held onto from my time when I was human. It’s very relaxing.”

Dean walked up to Cas and put his hands around his waist. He kissed him lightly on the neck. “You look really good like this.” Dean paused and smelt Cas’s hair, “Is that girly shampoo?” Cas placed his hands on Dean’s shoulders. 

“It reminds me of the bees.” Dean smiled at him and ran his fingers through Cas’s hair. “Was there something that you wanted to ask me, Dean?”

“What? Oh, yeah. We need to do some shopping. We’re low on supplies.”

“Do you want me to go?”

“I’m not sure I trust you with the shopping on your own quite yet. Last time you went shopping, you brought back porn, beef jerky, toilet paper, 11 eggs, a can of soup, and a 6 pack of beer.”

“Is that not what you normally buy when you go shopping?” Dean nodded his head as if Cas were right. 

“Well, kind of, but I think that it would be better if I went.”

“But, you don’t want to go alone.”

“I just want you there, just in case someone recognizes me. I’m not sure how much of a fugitive I am right now. Just might need you there to zap me back here.”

“Okay, Dean. I will go shopping with you.” Cas smiles and Dean can’t help but smile back. 

*

They are riding in the Impala, Marie’s Samulet hanging from the rear view mirror. Dean has his arm across the back of the front seat as Castiel sat closer to him. Cas placed his hands in his pocket. 

“Dean – I have something for you.”

“What?” Dean glanced over at him, raising his eyebrows in confusion. He sees Cas’s hand in his pants pocket. “If you tell me it’s in your pants, I just want to let you know that there is an appropriate time and place for a joke like that.”

“This is no joke. I’ve been holding onto it for some time, hoping it would work, but it doesn’t. I just figured that it means more to you than it would to me.” Cas pulls his hand out of his pocket and places his hand in Dean’s hand. Dean looks down. His amulet. The one he threw away so long ago. The one that Sammy gave him for Christmas. 

“Is this?”

“The same one. I retrieved it after you threw it away.”

“Why?”

“After I found that you had disposed of it, I went back to get it. I held onto it, hoping it would one day do what it was supposed to do. Seeing everything that happened, I was ready to throw it out, but then with Sam. Well, I know how much it means to you,” he pointed to the one hanging over the rear-view mirror. 

“I don’t know what to say, Cas. Thank you.” Dean puts the amulet around his neck and grabs Cas’s hand. He brings his hand up to his mouth and kisses it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please keep letting me know what you think! 
> 
> Follow me on tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/im-a-cumberlady


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas finds out information on Sam.

After an uneventful trip, they arrive back to the bunker, stocked up on groceries. Castiel begins to put them away while Dean heads to the library. He knows there is no information on the First Blade and the Mark of Cain. He’s hoping to find information on resurrections. He’s not giving up on losing Sam now. He’s happy with Cas, but he wants his brother here too. 

Of all the times that Sam died, angels had brought him back most of the time. Castiel said that only an archangel could bring Sam back, but they were all gone. Michael was in Hell with Lucifer and Adam. Raphael and Gabriel were dead. He could sell his soul again, but he didn’t want to die. He also knew that no demon would take his deal, not again, not after his falling out with Crowley. He searched through everything, trying to find something that could bring his brother back. 

Castiel knew what Dean was doing. He wasn’t going to stop him, not unless Dean was going to do something stupid. He knew it helped Dean to grieve. Dean always had to be doing something. He had to be hunting something, and this research was the first step in a long process. Dean would not give up on Sam, not until his last option burnt out and his last breath was taken. He wished that he could have done more. He wished that he could have been there. He hated seeing Dean in pain, and just wanted to make him forget, but Sam was so entwined in Dean’s mind and his memories that attempting to remove him would leave Dean as a vegetable. So, he’d let Dean hit the books during the day and spend his nights curled up beside him. 

*

Dean and Cas settle into a routine, a bit less domestic than the traditional relationship, but more domestic than Dean has ever experienced. They go out once a week on a hunt, usually sticking to vampires and werewolves. Dean tries to stay away from the demons unless they are prepared to exorcise them. He didn’t want another dead body on his conscious. 

It’s funny. He spent his entire life killing these monsters, day after day. But, now, he just can’t. The guilt from killing Sammy eats him away every time he sees the black eyes. If only he would have listened to Sam. If only he had let the demon go. If only he had thought to do an exorcism in the first place. If only. He hides it from Cas. He knows how much Cas has done for him throughout the years. Cas offered to remove the memories of what happened that day, but Dean needed them. Not so he could know what happened to Sam, as he told Cas, but so each day he torment himself about what he did, so he could become better. 

Cas knew it was eating Dean alive. He kept in touch with the angels, seeing if any of them could find a way to bring Sam back, to see if any of them could find where Sam went. He didn’t know where Sam’s soul was at, but he was determined to find out – to let Dean know that his brother was okay now. So Dean could let go. 

Hannah finally reached out to him. She met Castiel on the side of a road, using her vessel for this message. Castiel had told Dean that he needed to go do some angel things and left, saying he would be back by dinner. 

So now they stood, face to face on the side of a small road, fields of grass surrounding the asphalt. 

“Castiel. It is good to see you again.”

“Likewise, Hannah. Tell me that you have found something.”

“I have, but I felt it would be better to discuss this in person. Others cannot know that I have told you.”

“What is it, Hannah?”

“Sam’s soul was on the way to Heaven. There was a fight for it. Whoever holds Sam’s soul has the key to Dean Winchester.” Cas nodded in agreement. 

“And? Where did he go?”

“You’re not going to like this Castiel.” 

“Tell me, Hannah.” 

“Some of the angels that were under Metatron, they believed that Sam Winchester did not deserve to be in Heaven. They worked with some demons. There was a fight, and we lost several.”

“So, we got him back, right?”

“No, Castiel. They were too much for us. They had some sort of weapon, more powerful than an angel blade.”

“Where is Sam Winchester, Hannah?” Cas began to scowl. 

“He is in Hell. They have him locked up tightly.” Cas turned away from Hannah, his hand over his mouth, breathing heavily through his nose. He turned back around and looked at her. 

“Thank you, Hannah for the information. I trust this knowledge will be kept quiet?”

“Yes, Castiel. I’m sorry that we could not do any more.” Hannah was gone. 

Castiel walked for a while. He didn’t know how to tell Dean. He didn’t know if he wanted to tell Dean. All he knew was that Sam was now in Hell, more than likely being tortured and beat down. Castiel had brought Dean back from Hell. He wondered if he could do the same for Sam. His grace wasn’t strong enough. When he brought Dean back, he had his own grace. It had taken him quite some time to recover, still. With stolen grace, there was no way that he would come back from that. There was no guarantee that he would even have enough grace to get Sam out first before his light burnt out. 

Cas couldn’t leave him there. He knew it. He had to find a way to get him out of there. It’s what Dean would want. That was the Winchester way – sacrificing yourself to save another. 

*

Dean is sitting at the table with books all around when Castiel comes back. He sits across from Dean. 

“Dean?”

“Yeah, Cas.” 

“Theoretically – what if Sam was happy in Heaven? Would you still want him to come back?”

“Is that what the angel business was about?”

“No. I’m just asking. If he was happy, would you still try to bring him back?”

“Look, Cas. I don’t care if he’s up there partying it up with Jo and Ellen and Ash and Bobby and Mom and Dad. I don’t. It was my mistake. I’m the one who sent him there, and I’m going to bring him back. I don’t give a crap if he’s happy up there. He’s not supposed to be there. So, if he is up there, you go tell him that I’m coming to get him and that’s final.”

“I checked with Hannah while I was there, and she can’t give me any information about Sam.”

“Like he’s not there or they don’t want me to know if he is.”

“I believe that they don’t want you to know if he is up there, probably because you would go to rescue him.” Castiel hated lying to Dean, but he knew that he had to. 

“And Heaven probably needs all the souls it can get right now.” Dean shakes his head in disgust. “Well, I’m going to figure this out. I found Sammy in Heaven once before. I will do it again.” 

“I understand Dean, but before you try anything, please talk to me first. Let me help.” Cas reached over and held Dean’s hand. 

“I will, Cas. I’m not keeping anything from you anymore.” Dean smiled at him. Cas smiled back. It hurt him not to tell Dean that Sam was really in Hell. He knew that if he told him, he’d be summoning Crowley in a matter of minutes. He wouldn’t let Dean risk his life for Sam’s, but he wondered if he could. 

“I have to go back tomorrow. Hannah is going to try to find out some more information for me.” Dean kissed Cas’s hand. 

“Thank you, Cas. For everything. Now, if you don’t mind, I am starving. Want to help me with dinner?” Cas nodded in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep giving that feedback! 
> 
> Follow me on tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/im-a-cumberlady


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will Cas do with the information of Sam's whereabouts?

Cas was lying next to Dean. He ran his fingers up his arm. He knew what he had to do today. He knew there was a chance that he was never going to come back from it. He just wanted to lay there and memorize every one of Dean’s freckles. He walked his fingers down Dean’s arm, skipping to touch each freckle individually. Dean started to stir. Cas leaned in and kissed Dean’s shoulder. 

“So warm,” Dean mumbled as he moved closer to Cas. Castiel put his arm underneath Dean’s and pulled him closer, kissing his neck softly. 

“I don’t want to move from this spot.”

“Then don’t.” Dean turned his face to the side and met Cas’s lips with his own. “We’ll just stay like this forever.” Cas felt the amulet against Dean’s chest. It was a reminder to Dean about his brother and how much he meant. To Castiel, it was a reminder of what he owed Dean. 

He kissed Dean’s neck and then his back, slowly moving his mouth down his spine. 

“Cas. You’re the only reason that I am still here. There are so many things that I have done wrong, but with you, I feel like I have some meaning left in my life.” Dean turns around and faces Castiel. He presses his lips on his mouth. 

“Dean.” Cas ran his hand down Dean’s arm before grabbing his hand and holding it tightly. He stared into Dean’s eyes, looking deep into his soul. He would give everything for Dean. He would give his soul for Dean. Dean smiled at him and leaned in to kiss him. 

“Cas – I need you.” Cas ran his hand through Dean’s hair and pulled Dean closer to him. Their chests rubbed softly against one another as Cas brought his lips down on Dean’s neck. Dean rolled onto his back as Castiel’s kisses moved down his chest. 

“Dean – there are some days, well, many days when I have lost my faith. But with you, I know that God is still around because you’re still here.” Dean began to tremble. “Are you okay? Are you cold?”

Dean smiled, “No, Cas. It’s because of you.”

They wrapped themselves up in each other, kissing passionately, every touch lending more of their souls to each other. 

“I love you, Dean.” Castiel kissed Dean’s forehead. 

“Cas.” Dean pleaded. He knew that he loved Cas, but why was it so hard to say. Because he lost everyone that he loved. Everyone that he felt anything for had vanished from his life. 

“You don’t need to say it, Dean. I understand.” He kissed his forehead again and pulled Dean closer to him. 

*

Castiel was standing by the entrance of the bunker once Dean was dressed. He looked worried and Dean couldn’t help but notice. 

“What’s wrong, Cas?” 

“I’m going to miss you.” 

“I’ll be here when you get back, buddy.” Dean walked up to Cas and pulled him into a hug. 

“I love you, Dean Winchester.” Castiel leaned in and kissed Dean. He knew it was hard for Dean to say those 3 simple words, but he knew. He knew from the way Dean looked at him. He knew from the way Dean held him. He didn’t need Dean to verbalize it because he could see it on Dean’s soul. He could see it when their souls tangled in the aftermath of their relations. It was love in its absolute purest form. 

“I just want you to know that no matter what happens today, no matter how things turn out, it’s not your fault. I don’t know what to do, but I know how you make me feel. I know I need you, and being here is all I want.”

“God, Cas. You make it sound like you’re going to war. You’re going to see Hannah.”

“Yes, Dean. I just want to make sure that you know how much I care for you.” 

“I know, Cas. Now go, and hurry home.” Dean kissed his cheek and stepped away. Cas walked away slowly and turned around to wave to Dean before he closed the door. 

*

“Castiel. Come back to do business with me again?”

“Crowley. I need help.”

“And why should I do business with you? Remember the last time we tried to make a deal?”

“If I had anyone else to turn to, I would, but from my understanding, you are the only one that can help right now.”

“Oh, you want Moose?”

“Yes, Sam Winchester does not belong in Hell.”

“Like Hell he doesn’t. Do you know what that kid has done? Have you forgotten that he had already spent time in Hell? He was the vessel for Lucifer. He doesn’t get a free pass to Heaven.”

“He repented, remember? During that time when he tried to cure you. And with the help that he gave the angels, he deserves to be up there.”

“Oh, you don’t want him back in Heaven. You want to bring him back to Earth to make your boyfriend happy. But, you see Castiel, I need him more. But, I have been thinking. There is something that I can do, but it will be costly to you.”

“What?”

“I’d trade an angel for the hunter. Another fallen angel might just work better than some hunter.”

“How can I guarantee that you will not just lock me up with Sam?”

“Should I bring out the contract?” 

“I don’t trust you, Crowley, even with a contract. I made a mistake coming here to ask for your help. I’d have better luck getting my grace back from Metatron than thinking that you would be there to help out Dean.”

“Yes, but you made the best mistake coming here.” Crowley holds out his hands to the side. “For me, that is.” Crowley snaps his fingers and Castiel is standing in a ring of fire. “That holy oil is pretty tricky. Took me several demons to get it laid out just right. They whine and say ‘it burns’ but it was worth it. You know, I like Dean. I just want to see him happy. But, why should I just see him happy, when I can make him happy and get what I want out of it.”

“What are you doing, Crowley?”

“Just making a deal. I get Dean to spend eternity in Hell with me, and he gets you two to live the rest of his life. Happy wife, happy after-life.” Crowley laughs. “Now, if you don’t mind, I need to prepare for when Dean comes begging.”

“Crowley!”


	9. Chapter 9

Dean sat in the library, looking at his watch every few minutes. It was already 10 pm. Castiel should have been back by now. He was worried. He closed his eyes and put his hands together in front of him. 

“I pray to you, Castiel, to come home because it’s late and you haven’t checked in and I’m worried. So, amen.”

Dean opened his eyes and looked around. Nothing. “Come on, Cas. Where the hell are you?”

Dean walked around the bunker. He stood outside the bunker. He walked back in, tried to occupy himself with tv, cards, anything. He kept waiting. 

He woke up as the sun was rising, his face stuck to a book sitting on the table. He tore the page away and looked around. “Cas? You here?” He slowly stood up, and walked around the bunker. 

He went outside, stood in the driveway, and closed his eyes.

“Hey, Hannah – Cas is missing. Can I get some help here?”

He sat down on the ground, waiting, with his elbows on his knees and his hands on his head. He stayed there for a while with no answer from Hannah or Cas. 

*  
Castiel awoke in what looked like a dungeon. He was cuffed to a chair and could not move. Crowley walked in the door. 

“Castiel. How are you doing today?”

“How did you get me in here?”

“A little mix between the angel tablet translations and mommy dearest giving me a few spells. How are you doing? Ready to help me get Dean back?”

“He’s not yours.”

“Let me guess, he’s all yours?” Crowley laughs. 

“Let me out of here.”

“Not until you say please, oh, and Dean agrees to my deal, of course. I have to make him beg for it though. I’m not that easy. But look at him.” Crowley pulls up a glass. In it is a reflection of Dean. He’s crying in the Impala. “Poor schmuck really loves you.”

“You’re going to regret this Crowley.”

“I have no regrets, angel. I’ll be back when it’s time to let the deal go down. Holler if you need anything.”

*

3 days. It’s been 3 days and Castiel still hasn’t shown back up at the bunker. A million thoughts ran through his head. Maybe the angel didn’t want to be with him. Maybe the feelings weren’t mutual. Maybe he lost his grace and he’s just trying to get back home. He should’ve called. He should have let Dean know what was happening. 

“Cas – I’m sorry. I’m not sure what is taking so long. I know time passes differently up there. But, can you please let me know you’re okay? I love you, Cas. I’m sorry I didn’t say it before. I’m sorry. Please come back.” He paused, holding back the tears, “Goddammit Cas. Where the hell did you go? I know that I never said it. I know. I’m sorry. You were the only person that could make me happy. And I know that I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve any of it for the shit that I caused, but please, let me know that you’re okay. And if you never want to speak to me, that’s fine. I just need to know that you’re okay.”

*  
The time drifted slowly. Every day was another day of no sign from Cas. He prayed to him every night, hoping that he would hear something back. 

2 whole months. 

The first 30 days, Dean searched everywhere. He got in contact with anyone he could, letting them know to be on the lookout for the angel. He prayed to Cas throughout the day and cried for him every night. After the first 30 days, his hope began to fade. Different scenarios of what happened to Castiel ran through his head. Did he try to save Sam and fail? Did he die at the hands of one of Metatron’s fallen angels? Did he just leave because Dean didn’t say that he loved him back?

He accepted that he would be alone forever. The 2 people that mattered the most in his life were gone, and what could he do? It was his fault that Sam was gone, but Cas? Why did Cas have to leave? He should have told him how he felt. He should have looked that angel in the eyes and told him that he loved him. He needed to get out of the bunker and look for Cas. 

He packed his bags, getting ready to leave the bunker. Cas wouldn’t be coming back here. 

As he made his way to the door, he saw it. Cas’s blue tie laying on a ledge by the entryway. Dean picked up the tie and collapsed to his knees. This isn’t right. Cas should be wearing this tie. It should be around his neck, tied loosely, hanging backwards. Dean lifted the tie to his face, Cas’s scent still lingering. Anger quickly replaced the tears. 

Dean stood up and went towards the kitchen. He lit the gas burners and threw the tie on it. There was no reason for Cas to leave him without telling him why. If he was putting himself in harm’s way, he would have found a way to tell Dean. If he had found a way to get back Sam, he would have told him. If he was leaving because he didn’t want this relationship with Dean, then that would be the only reason not to say a thing. 

He watched the tie as the layers of fabric slowly incinerated. He grabbed the whiskey from the counter top and took a swig. He was done trying to find Cas. He was done attempting to be happy. He was ready to kill. 

*

He took another swig from the beer at the bar, far away from the bunker. He spent his days hunting monsters, and his nights drinking heavily. A woman approached him, touching his arms while she chatted away. Dean didn’t care for the conversation, but he wanted contact, someone to make him feel whole again. So, he would take her back to a motel room. 

When he would get there, he’d rip off their clothes, and fuck her hard and fast. Most of the time, the women would put their clothes back on and leave. Sometimes, the women would pass out on the bed, and Dean would drive off before sunrise. 

This night, the woman stayed. Dean grabbed his stuff and went back to the Impala. He didn’t want to stick around for the next morning. He was empty inside without Cas. No one could fill the hole that Castiel left inside of him. 

He saw a man outside a store on the side of the road, wearing a big tan trench coat. He swerved into the parking lot, and drove quickly towards the man, only to realize that it was not his Castiel. Just another man with a weird sense of fashion. He drove off. 

“Cas. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep seeing your ghost. I know that I fucked up in life. I know that I have done so many bad things, but I can’t go on without you, without Sammy. I love you, Cas, but I’m ending it. And I know that’s a ticket straight to Hell, but I deserve it. I, I just can’t do it anymore.” He drove until the sun rose in the distance. He pulled into a small diner and sat in the car with his head against the steering wheel. His eyes began to water.

Dean now sits alone in a diner. This is what his life has become. He’s a nobody. He has nobody. He’ll never settle down and be happy. There is no thrill in the hunt anymore. There is no excitement in the one night stands. Since Cas, nothing has been satisfying. He would lay there in a bed of misery after every encounter. It was no longer worth it.


	10. Chapter 10

As he sat in the diner, preparing for his last meal, a man approached him, his dress shoes clanking against the linoleum floor of the diner. Dean slowly looked up to find a familiar face. 

“Crowley. How nice it is for you to join me. Seat?” Dean motioned to the empty bench across from him. 

“Don’t mind if I do.” Crowley took a seat. 

“What do you want, Crowley?” Dean’s face turned from a light smile to serious. 

“Word on the street is that Dean Winchester is forever alone. I’m here to offer you a preposition.”

“Can it. Not interested in any of your deals.”

“But you haven’t even heard my offer yet.” 

“Still, not interested.” Dean sipped his coffee.

“What if I could give you what you desire? What if I could bring you back your brother and your angelic boyfriend?”

“What have you done, Crowley?”

“Dean, I’m offended that you would even think that I would do anything to hurt you. I just happened upon your brother’s soul. I put it aside for safe-keeping. I wanted to make sure you were back to normal before returning him, seeing as you were the one that caused his death.”

“What about Cas?”

“Oh, the angel? He attempted to get into Hell to rescue Moose, and, well, his grace just wasn’t enough to sustain him. I thought you guys would have come to me earlier, given our pasts and such. Frankly, I’m saddened that you didn’t think of me. So, I’m here to make a little deal with you.”

“Yeah – and what do you get out of it? An eternity of torturing me in Hell?”

“Please, Dean. I thought we meant more to each other. Yes, I get your soul, but not to torture. When you die, you come and rule by my side in Hell.” 

“So you will give me everything that I desire, and all that I have to do is sit by your side when I die? How long you going to give me? A year? Ten?”

“I will give you a lifetime. You can die of old age, or through erotica asphyxiation, if you’re into that. You can have your Moose and your Angel back for the low, low cost of spending an eternity with yours truly.”

“No extra clauses. No take-backs. None of it.”

“Just the words that are coming out of my mouth. I won’t even have you sign a contract. We will shake on it and call it a day.”

“I feel like you’re hiding something Crowley. Why should I trust you?”

“Because Dean. Look, yes, I’m the King of Hell, but if it weren’t for you and your brother, I wouldn’t be in this position. You kicked Lucifer out of the spotlight, helped me get rid of Abaddon. And, I thoroughly enjoyed the time that we spent together. You would make Hell…fun.”

“Fine. Bring them back and then we shake on it. I’m not agreeing to anything until you can prove that they are both alive and well.”

“That will take some time, but, I can live with that.” Crowley starts to turn around, “Just one little stipulation.”

“Yeah, what’s that?”

“You try to negate the deal, I will kill them both in front of you.”

“Understood.” And with that, Crowley was gone. He knew that once Sam and Cas were back with him, they would kill him for making a deal with Crowley. Dean knew he was being selfish, but he needed them. Both of them. Life hadn’t been the same since Sam died, and now, without Cas, he was on the verge of ending it. With all the pain that he caused, he was doomed to rot in Hell, anyway. Might as well make a party out of it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter. How will this turn out for Dean?

It took a week before Crowley got back in touch with him. His phone rang with “666” on the caller ID. Crowley told him to meet him nearby to complete the deal. Dean wasn’t sure how to react. His brother and Castiel back with him, but at what cost. What was Crowley hiding up his sleeves? 

As Dean made his way into the warehouse, expecting an ambush of demons, but found none. It was a big, empty warehouse, with nothing but pillars and broken windows. At the end of the room, he saw 2 figures, tied down to chairs. Crowley standing between them. 

“So, you ready to make a deal?”

“Let me see them. I want to see their faces.” Crowley shrugged his shoulders and slowly lifted the hoods. Both Castiel and Sam were unconscious, their heads slumped over their chests. “Are they alive?”

“Of course. Would I deceive you?” 

“Yeah. You would.” Dean stepped closer to their bodies. 

“Right. Well, I haven’t. You can come check their pulses. Whatever you need to do. And once we confirm, a quick handshake and the deals done. I have them in a bit of a sleeping spell. Just to make sure they don’t know about this little deal of ours, because I’m sure one of them would try to talk you out of it.”

“I’m sure they would.” The corner of Dean’s mouth lifted into a smile. He made his way to Sam first, placing his fingers on his neck, seeing if there was really blood pumping through the body. When he felt the pulse, he gasped, and bent down and hugged him. Sammy was back! He took out a flask from his pocket, opened it, and splashed it on him. The water hit Sam’s face and slowly dribbled down his body. 

“Satisfied?”

“Still have one more to check.” Dean walked over to Cas. He placed his hand on the side of his face before running down to the neck. “Is he still an Angel – or human?”

“Back to being an Angel – all grace intact – took some negotiating with a few Metacronies, but I managed to find his real grace. Back to his uptight self. Satisfied yet?”

“Just about. Wake them up and my hand is yours to shake the second their eyes open.”

Crowley chanted a spell out loud and Sam began to nod awake slowly. He chanted something else and Castiel began to stir. Dean, seemingly satisfied, held his hand out to Crowley. 

“You’re not backing out or finding some loophole?”

“We had a deal, Crowley. A lifetime with my family in exchange for my soul. That’s how it works, right?”

“Yes, but being a Winchester, I expected some hunters to come running in ready to take over the moment they woke.”

“It’s just me, Crowley. We had a deal. So, are you going to shake my hand, or?”

Crowley reached his hand out and took Dean’s hand. Dean’s chest began to burn. Dean backed away and held his chest. 

“What’s happening, here?” Crowley looked surprised. 

“What do you mean? Aren’t you doing this to me? Get me into Hell sooner? God, it burns!” Dean kept holding is chest, his face red, veins popping out of his forehead. “Crowley! What the hell are you doing to me?”

“I’m not doing this to you, Dean.” Crowley stepped back. “But seeing as the deal is completed, I’m going to go ahead and head on out. Good luck with the burn.” Crowley turned around as if to walk away, when he came face to face with a man. He was short, like Crowley, but more rugged looking. He had a full beard and these bright blue eyes. If Dean was even remotely coherent, he would have sworn that they were glowing. The details of the man were blurred to Dean. His focus laid mainly with the burning on his chest. 

He tried to focus to see what was happening. 

“My father’s father. How nice for us to finally meet.” 

“I cannot allow you to take Dean’s soul. It does not belong to you.” 

“I disagree, grandpa. The deal was made, fair and square.”

“The soul that Dean offered you does not belong to him. He does not have the right to give it away.”

“Well, that’s unfortunate. Because I made a little stipulation to the deal. Any attempt to try to trick me out of it will result in the immediate demise of his dear pals.” Crowley lifted a hand, and Castiel and Sam began choking. 

“Ah, but there was no deception on Dean’s part. He was unaware that he had already given his soul to someone else.” 

“How does a man not know that his soul is already taken?”

“Because he did not sign any paperwork for it. There was no handshake. He offered it out of love. Now, I’m going to ask that you release Castiel and Sam, and I will let you live where you can go back to Hell and do whatever you do there.”

“And if not?” Crowley raised his hand higher as Cas and Sam choked harder. 

The man raised a hand to Crowley’s head and his body slumped down to his knees. Blood began pouring out of every orifice. Crowley looked up at the man, confused at to what was happening, but would not drop Castiel and Sam. 

“Last chance.”

“Go fuck yourself.” Crowley choked. A bright light appeared from Crowley’s eyes and his body collapsed. Sam and Cas stopped coughing. He then made his way towards Dean, who placed his hands over his head. 

“Please, man. I don’t want any trouble.” The man reached down and put his hand in Dean’s shirt and pulled out the amulet and tossed it aside. 

“Probably shouldn’t have been wearing that.” Dean regained his composure and began to look up at the man standing there. He recognized him. 

“Chuck?” Dean stood up quickly. “You were dead? But, how?” 

“Well, it’s actually a funny story. I should write it down someday.”

Castiel began to stir and looked around. Dean ran to him and began untying him from the chair. Castiel stood up, his legs weak beneath him. Dean wrapped his arm around his waist and helped him over towards Chuck. Castiel looked at him and fell to his knees. 

“Father?” Castiel bowed his head down. 

“Father?” Dean repeated, confused. He looked back and forth between Chuck and Castiel. 

“Like I said, funny story.” Chuck places his hand on Castiel’s shoulder and lifts him to his feet. “Don’t bow. I don’t deserve that. I should be bowing to the both of you. Without you two, I’m not sure Earth would still be here. You stopped the apocalypse and the Angel civil war. You defeated that awful mistake I made – the leviathans, and made it past the Mark of Cain. I owe you more than you both will ever know.”

“No wonder Angels are dicks.” Dean laughed and stopped when he realized that Cas was looking at him angrily. “So, Chuck is the great and powerful Oz?”

“I guess so.” Chuck looks to the ground. 

“So, what’s next? Going to throw something else our way?”

“No. I’m going to give you your happy ending.”

“I’d say I don’t swing that way, but I am kind of in a relationship with an Angel, so what’s one more celestial being.”

“Dean Winchester – the savior of mankind. People will be reading about your life until the next apocalypse. So, in return – I know that the only thing that matters to you is doing the right thing and having your family by your side. You can go on hunting, or you can settle down. Whatever you want to do. And – I went ahead and rid Sam of all of the memories of Hell. Anything you need in the future, you just call for me.”

“I’d normally say that I don’t deserve this, but I really want them both back.”

“Of course.”

“Oh, and I am going to hold you to that ‘whatever you need’ bull crap, so if you hear me ringing at 2 am for a pizza, I expect a fucking pizza.”

“Done. I’ll even throw in a pecan pie. Thank you, again, Dean Winchester.” And with that, Chuck was gone. 

Sam comes to as Dean is untying him. 

“What the hell?” He coughed. “I was watching you kill a demon and then I was here. What the hell happened?”

Dean smiled. “Same old Sammy.” Dean placed his arm around Cas as Sam stood up from the chair. Dean kissed Cas on the cheek.

“And what the hell is this?”

“It’s kind of a long story.” Dean chuckles. “I’ll tell it to you over some fresh pie. I saw a nice little diner not too far from here.” 

Dean begins to walk out of the warehouse with his arm still around Cas. Sam is walking behind. 

“Does this mean I don’t get shotgun?” Sam speeds up his walk to catch up. Dean laughs. “Seriously? I don’t fit in the backseat very well. Dean? What day is it? Was that Chuck back there? Dean - Does this mean my OTP is canon? So, are we calling it Destiel or Dee-stiel?”

“Shut up, bitch.”

“Jerk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that read this and thank you for the feedback and kudos! 
> 
> Please let me know if there are any typos, any way to make this story better. 
> 
> Also, make sure to check out Front Porch Steps. Their album, and specifically the song Angels and Demons, helped to inspire this story line. 
> 
> Also, stop by my tumblr and leave me some feedback as well! 
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/im-a-cumberlady
> 
> Thank you!!!


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